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1. |
X to the Masses
04:09
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I've been lost down here since 1994
When I traded all my reindeer for a liquor store
I locked myself inside and drank every bottle that I found
And in a drunken haze I burned the building to the ground
After getting out of jail life has been quite hard
But luckily I got a job for a drug dealer named Carl
It's not that big a change and like I always say
I’m spreading joy among the people in a different kind of way
If you ever get this letter, I hope you remember me my love
I'm about to get my shit together, and fly away home
I'll stand upon your doorstep and I’ll ring the jingle bell
And all this will only be a funny story we can tell
I hear Dasher and Dancer are doing quite well
Prancer and Vixen live in a zookeepers cell
But Comet and Cupid, Donner and Blitzen
Were sold to some fast food chain slaughtered and eaten
But I swear to you honey oh I will find a way
I’ll get some money and I’ll be home by christmas day
Tonight I hear the kids are off to some rave
And I might sell all of these drugs if I just manage to behave
If you ever get this letter, I hope you remember me my love
I'm about to get my shit together, and fly away home
I'll stand upon your doorstep and I’ll ring the jingle bell
And all this will only be a funny story we can tell
The winter sun is shining, the kids are out to play
I can not remember waking, on a prettier christmas day
Seems I’ve slept behind a dumpster, and the evidence imply
That I didn't stay quite sober, guess I didn't even try
My mouth tastes like a desert, and I’ve got blood on both my hands
I’ve been sleeping in my vomit, and I’m not wearing any pants
Everything I had is gone, and I don't know what to do
I’m sorry babe but I don't think I will make it home to you
If you ever get this letter, I hope you remember me my love
I'm about to get my shit together, and fly away home
I'll stand upon your doorstep and I’ll ring the jingle bell
And all this will only be a funny story we can tell
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2. |
Satan Claus
04:23
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Hold your children tight
It’s alright to be afraid tonight
Hear him climbing up the wall
He’s coming in, coming in
Hear the tiles falling from the roof
He found a way inside
Shield them from the jingle bells
Or they will abide him
Hear him tearing through the house
He’s closing in, closing in
Hold your breath, try not to cry
And just pray that we might survive
Hear the lost children cry
Sounds like he’s gotten quite a few tonight
Hear him, tearing through the walls
He’s coming in, coming in
Make it stop, make him disappear
And I swear I’ll be good all year
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3. |
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Everyone's full, you’ve just eaten dinner
On this merry eve, 24th of December
The children cry out when the doorbells chime
Here comes santa, right on time
In through the door walks a jolly old man
With a long white beard and gifts in his hand
The kids get to sit down on santa's lap
As the gifts they are handed are quickly unwrapped
The children are probably too young to see it
But under the costume is your brother Robert
Your brother lives not so far from here
And he dresses up for them year after year
When you and your husband are out in the hall
He says don't you think your brother has grown quite tall
You notice he’s different from how you recall
And you realise this isn't your brother at all
The land is silent now and all the stars alight
I wish you all a very special christmas night
He’s wearing the same clothes as Robert would wear
But the pants are too short and his ankles are bare
He must have understood your brother’s task
Killed him and taken his clothes and his mask
Your brother’s body is probably already cold
Tossed in a ditch, by the side of the road
You did not notice that something was wrong
Inviting the killer, into your home
You wish to confront him, reveal who he is
But he holds his arms around both of your kids
He’s in control now he’s running the show
But maybe he doesn’t know that you know
Just to be certain he isn’t your brother
You tell him to pick his favourite liquor
Whiskey is your brother’s liquor of choice
This man asks for Brandy in a creepy old voice
The land is silent now and all the stars alight
I wish you all a very special christmas night
His face is covered but his eyes are not
So you play the only card that you got
You hope that this will take him by surprise
As you throw the brandy into his eyes
Your kids are scared off as he cries out in pain
You say run to your father and please look away
Santa is fumbling all over the place
And you swing the bottle into his face
He stumbles backwards, curses and cries
Blood starts running from santa's eyes
His head is exposed now so you take your shot
And bring down the bottle, with all that you got
You let out the anger and all of your fear
On that creepy old mask with the bloodsoaked beard
You hit him till there's nothing left hitting no more
Until you're basically beating the floor
The land is silent now and all the stars alight
I wish you all a very special christmas night
In that text from your brother that you never read
He wrote I’ve fallen ill and I’ll be staying in bed
But don't cancel Christmas, there's no need to fret
I’m sending over my neighbour Bret
Bret was an angel so generous and kind
When your brother asked him, Bret didn’t mind
You claimed self defence but to no avail
Sentenced to rot in the county jail
Some kids get sad when they realise
Santa isn’t real it's just a disguise
Some kids get completely traumatized
When santa is murdered right in front of their eyes
Therapists will try, but they needn't bother
The nightmares return in the end of December
The bloodstains will never come off of the floor
And I don't think they'll celebrate christmas no more
The land is silent now and all the stars alight
I wish you all a very special christmas night
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